Our last meeting

I looked at the score board as a tear slipped. I controlled, controlled a lot. I am matured enough not to cry. Akash, one of our immediate coach was standing outside the field. I looked at him and my heart sank even more. In the midst of everything and everyone i was searching for the familiar pair of obs. Arnav! I sighed. I was missing him terribly. But he was nowhere to be seen. I went upto Akash looked at his face. He did a hand gesture to comfort me. Seeing him my words chocked. I couldn’t form a single sentence. We have lost the match. The realization was bitter than anything else. And I was the reason. I couldn't look at him anymore. All i said was 'sorry' in a broken voice.

Each one of us had worked really hard for this match. Day and Night, 24/7 sacrificing every damn thing. Yet I am here standing with empty hands. They expected me to perform and I didn’t live upto their expectations. Fucked up with life, fucked up in emotions I simply fucked up the match. And today for me the entire team is suffering.

~

With heavy legs I walked upto the Dressing room. Whispers and sniffing almost killed me. I know nobody is going to blame me. They love me like anything. They know it was me for whom they have lost the match today. Yet they will not utter a single word against me. I entered and all the pairs were focused on me. Some held sadness, and some pity. They were all sitting together and waiting for Arnav to arrive who is still missing from the field. I know what he must be feeling. If I lose it is his loss. And today I made him lose.

I know where he was. I also know why he was not there in the field. Somewhere he knew that I am going to fuck up. And thats what I did.
My terms with him was deteriorating day by day. But the question is who was to be blamed for? “It was the biggest mistake I did in my entire career” he shouted. I could never forget his words. It vibrates like a poison in my veins making everything burn inside me. Have you every had near death experience? Come to me I will tell you what it feels like dying being alive. I was nothing but a mistake for him the realization took away everything from me.

Since i was chocking inside, without a single word I went towards the washroom. I undressed myself and rotated the nob. Chilled water poked my warm skin. For a moment I twitched but then everything became numb. I closed my eyes and saw his. ‘NO’ he told me on my face. I looked at him like a love lost puppy. Tears streaming down my eyes. I couldn’t form a single word. Absolutely nothing came out of my mouth. He held my gaze for few seconds ‘do you understand?’ Honestly, I didn’t understand a single. His ‘NO’ echoed repeatedly inside my heart and squeezed the life out of it.

‘It was nice meeting you Mr.’ was my parting words.